The Family, 1/2 a century and 3 years

A dear (IRL) friend who I actually SEE pretty regularly commented on my consistent lack of blogging.  And she is right.  One "problem" is that Jun is growing up!  So, I feel a little guilty sharing her stories as freely as I did when she was little.  This DOES NOT mean the stories are over!  OK!!!!  Here's one of the more recent ones:

Jun - Jun's 1st grade teacher is off having her baby...by C-section...OUCH!  So there is a substitute.  (A wonderful teacher, I MUST add, from my experience with her in the class.)  Jun has been giving the sub advice.  She isn't as strict as the other teacher!  The kids aren't minding as well as Jun thinks she should, so she reprimands them too!  Only child?  Bossy?  Leader?  Wonderful Kid?  YEP!

Ryu - I've been keeping up with Ryu's professional life on his Facebook page.  R.I. Leather.  You can see his company's blog in the sidebar...I hope!  He makes custom ordered leather products.  Many wallets, bags, belts, book/Bible covers.  Recently he finished a notebook, and is now working on a two-toned bag made of Minelli leather.  This is SO soft.  Blue and dark brown!  Can't wait to see it!  He seems to learn/discover/invent new techniques with each product he "builds."  I can see him growing and growing in his chosen profession!!!  And sometimes I get to help!

Me - Well, let's start with 1/2 a century first, shall we?  Ryu and I turned 50 last year!  I really feel older, finally!  Like an adult.  Like I finally understand my 20 and 30 year old self.  And, better understand other people who are in their 20's and 30's.  The 40's are still a little fuzzy!  I finally understand people who were in their 50's when I was in my 20's and 30's.  It's a good place to be at in life. 

And 3 years!  We celebrated our "3 Years in America" on Easter Sunday this year.  I made Ginger Pork!  But, more than that, Ryu and I reflected on all we've learned in the past 3 years.

• I re-remembered how to pump gas and taught Ryu how to do it.  (Oregon is NOT self-pumping.)
• I can use my debit card anywhere without INTENSE feelings of foreignness/ cluelessness/ embarrassment and without thinking!  This is a HUGE change for me!
• We bought a house.  Still can't believe that our brains were working well enough to even think of buying a house when we hadn't been in the US even a year yet.  In reflection, we truly see God's hand in THAT!
• I no longer cringe at huge chunks of meat at the grocery store.  I have a few ideas/plans/options on how to cook them!  Unfortunately, then we eat them.  We are consuming much more meat than we did in Japan, I'm sure!  We even BOUGHT 1/2 of 1/2 a COW!  Seriously!  Buying meat by the cow!  I was happy that the meat was grown by our ranching friends.  Organic or organicish is becoming more important since living in the US.
• I can shop at Winco now without running screaming to the car.  I do have to take someone with me, but that someone can be Jun!  And that is always fun.  She is a huge help to her Mama.
• I can shop at Walmart...most of the time.  AND.........Sometimes I do the Self-Checkout!!!!!!
• I am more familiar with all the different coffee options.  And know to get myself something else when Ryu orders a plain double shot of espresso.  YUCK!  Jun and I even know what Italian sodas are now!
• I can shop for a very limited time for CLOTHING for ME!  Kohls seems to be the store I can handle. If Ryu is with me, I come home with something too!  I wish I could shop for shoes!  UGH!  Still making do with shoes I bought YEARS ago or that were given to me.  Jun, on the other hand LOVES shopping.  We rarely take her!
• Speaking of shopping, Ryu and Jun enjoy shopping at "recycle shops."  Who knew you could actually get brand named items at a decent price at thrift shops?  I, on the other hand, would rather wear cheap and new.
• We walked through the process of getting our home loan refinanced and getting a new credit card.  Not a scary process at all, unless you consider the fact that our credit card application was approved in, literally, the 5-10 minutes we chatted with the bank woman on the phone.  That is Scary!  No wonder America is in debt up to its ears!
• I am working in an office part time now.  With Americans.  That speak English.  My English level has improved a lot.  Though the other day I was asking my boss if he wanted the form to be "up and down" or "cross-ways."  They forgive my momentary (I hope) lapses in English.  I blame these lapses on living in Japan.  I fear they are also related to being 50!
• Schools.  Having Jun in public school has been a big surprise to me.  I thought I'd homeschool her, but..for a myriad of reasons, she 's at the public school.  Public schools are not the same now as they were in the mid-60's.  On one hand, I understand better why many parents choose to homeschool.  On the other hand, I wish those homeschooled kids and their awesome parents were part of the public school system for all the kids and teachers and community to benefit from their time and talents.  I enjoy volunteering once a week.  It isn't much, I know, but I give lots of hugs, ask lots of questions, and help a few bright boys with Math.

I feel that I should add a "Looking Forward" paragraph to this post!  I'm not good at these.  So I will just make a few comments:

• Would benefit from some REGULAR exercise!
• Would benefit from some GOOD sleep!
• Need to continue to learn about lawns.  I BELIEVE there is a reason God gave us a house with 1/4 acre - much of it to be turned into lawn.  Once I'm out working on the lawn, I begin to enjoy it.  Looking at its sad state from inside the house is quite stressful!
• Would benefit from a more SANE schedule.  See Sleep and Exercise above.

Well, that is it for today!  Gotta make breakfast and today is Week 2 in our "FINISH THAT BEDROOM!" project for the month of April.  Not a big project at all, but, we've decided to take it in small weekly bites.  See "Sane Schedule."

Reverse Culture Shock after Two Years

Our trip to Japan enabled me to look at my transition back into US life from a bit of a distance - 5,000 air miles - more or less!

Some things that I could only experience but not see for the first year and a half at least:

1. Everything English flew into my head!  My ears and eyes were constantly being stimulated - over stimulated!  I couldn't ignore what they were talking about at the table next to us at Denny's.  I couldn't NOT read the bill boards on the freeway.  EVERYTHING was in ENGLISH!
2. But that's not exactly true.  Not EVERYTHING was in English.  We did a lot of DIY (Do It Yourself - is this a Japanese English term?) in the house we rented and this house we have purchased.  A LOT!  Everything we bought had directions in English, Spanish and French.  The only thing that stopped that from driving me crazy (turning the box around and around trying to find the English writing) was remembering how HAPPY I'd be in Japan to find some directions for something in English - even...creative English.
3. Paying with an ATM card.  In Japan we used Automatic Pay (or whatever it is called there) to pay our bills.  I did use a Credit Card to rack up airline miles for other shopping, but...I just handed the clerk my card and..of COURSE my point card for that store, and it was a done deal.  In the US - they expect you to do it YOURSELF!  Though now I do it without thinking, the first year I was always extremely stressed that I didn't know how to run my card through the machine.  Each store's machine seemed to be different.  I didn't know which button to push. Didn't KNOW!  My analysis is this:  As I was hyper-sensitive to all that was going on around me in the US, I felt that all that I was doing was also on display.  Obviously nobody cared if I could work their debit/credit card machines.  But I felt like they DID!

That's all for today!  DIY in the bathroom is waiting.  It's been functional for a year.  This weekend it will become beautiful!  I hope! We have a friend visiting from Japan this next week.  He came last year in the midst of our remodel - I hope he's pleasantly surprised!

Our Trip to Japan

Nearly 2 years to the day from our departure FROM Japan, we returned TO Japan.  What a wonderful wonderful trip it was!  It was good timing for me - two years.  Not so long that I felt like I was returning to something that had changed too much.  Nor so soon that I'd refuse to get back on the plane to come back to the US.  Just right.

While the word "nostalgic" is not one often used by any English speaker that I know personally, the word "natsukashiiiiii" in Japanese for virtually the same feeling is an everyday word in Japan.  And our trip had many "natsukashii" elements to it.  For me, anyway.  For Jun?  It seemed like she had forgotten everything Japanese.  That she'd ever ridden a train!?!?!  That she'd ever been to the park that we went to OFTEN!  That the PASTOR who had babysat her for years was someone she knew!  Then, in an emergency situation we ended up at a "squatty potty" at a train station.  Suddenly she had MEMORIES!  "Not THAT kind of toilet!!!"   Too funny.  Her Japanese pronunciation returned rather quickly and she tried to speak Japanese at times.  At other times she had me translating for her as she was "teaching" the little boy at the park that he must be kind to "ari-san" (ants).

The streets were a lot narrower.  Distances were much closer.  Perhaps not carrying or walking with an infant, 1 year old, 2 year old, well, you get the picture - made things closer.  Longer legs and less interest in "ari-san," rocks, etc.

We visited our friends from our apartment building.  It was so good to see them!  It felt like time had NOT passed, though I so wanted to peek through the letter slot in the door of our old flat to see what the remodelers had done to it!  I didn't!

For the first week Jun and I saw 3-4 groups of friends each day.  We played, prayed, ate, talked and talked and talked!  Neither of us tired, though our schedule was insane.  Jun would ask, "Mama!  Who do we get to see TODAY?"  I hadn't realized just how lonesome life is for me in the US.  Not that I'm not incredibly busy and don't have many acquaintences - but seeing those that you spent 10 years or more of your life with...it's different.  My dry heart was filled back up!

I knew it was about time to come back to the US when Jun looked longingly at the back door of the church that we were staying at, saying, "Mama, if we just open that door there will be a park and kids will come and play with me."  Well, no, Junnie.  If you open that door there will be 18 inches of rocks and a wire fence and then another 18 inches of rocks and a house.  Jun is used to our 1/4 acre lot and kids on either side!

As we met family and friends and saw places we loved to visit, our love for Japan was confirmed, as well as God's wonderful timing to have brought us to the US at this time in our life.  Jun probably would not thrive in the Japanese culture.  Talk about a nail standing out ready to get hammered down!  Ryu and I probably wouldn't escape that hammering either.  All of us are thriving here in the US - and are thankful that life is getting to be as settled as life ever gets.  Not very!

Names, Faces and Places

The other day I wrote about Jun's "shot" experience and decided to flip back through old posts to see if I'd written about the OTHER shot experience. The one that involved kicking and screaming. I had written about it, but in looking through all the titles of last summer's posts, I was struck by how far we (I?)'ve come in getting used to living in the US after 15 years or so overseas. WOW!

As I seem to be the one of us three that had the hardest time adapting to the US, I'll tell my story. When we "landed fresh off the boat" or the United Airline's plane, anyway, it was like every nerve in me was on high alert. I couldn't sit next to any English speaking conversations without eavesdropping. Their English words just JUMPED into my ears, no matter how hard I tried to ignore them. Words jumped off signs at me. I went to some stores and WANTED EVERYTHING they had to sell. I was DISGUSTED at the "biggest is bestest" theme in stores, fast food restaurants, ...well just about everywhere.

I noticed EVERYONE on the street or anywhere else. I remembered EVERYONE's names, like they were burnt into my mind. And I still remember them.

Well, a few months ago we moved to a different town and a different state. And names? I can't remember anyone's name. Anyone's face. Where I met anyone. I went to register Jun for school and I've come away with the secretary's first name and one kindergarten teacher's last name. I hope she gets that teacher, that will put me a bit ahead! But, while I guess I could just be overwhelmed and my mind going on "pause" could be another sign of Reverse Culture Shock, I just find that comparing the two experiences is quite interesting. Which is better? Well, I cry less often this summer than last! That's good!

International Families

I don't know if this vague and short post should go under Re-Entry, or under Culture Shock, or under ARGH!!!!!!!! I'd sure appreciate your input.

As this post is not intended to attack anyone or anything, it will be vague.

We are cross-cultural family newly moved to the US. My husband and daughter are Japanese citizens. Last week was Veteran's Day in the US. We were at a meeting, of which a very small part was dedicated to commemorating this day and honoring the Veterans who were in attendance. There was a video show that did the whole Pearl Harbor thing, to me, rather thoroughly. There was also a 9/11 presentation. I don't remember the Korean or Vietnam or Gulf Wars or other wars being mentioned. I sat with my Japanese husband at my side and my Japanese daughter playing at my feet and wondered what, if anything to do. I put my hand on Ryu's shoulder and left Jun to her play and we sat it out.

Before we came to the US I demanded (can one do so?) that we not allow perceived prejudice to affect us and to plant seeds of anger and victimization in our hearts. We have done really well so far. Ryu has been in many conversations where Japanese are referred to as "Japs." I've been in a few myself. And we just turned the other cheek, knowing that it is a title for many older people in the US verses a term of disparagement. However, though I may let someone call my husband a "Jap," I will never allow anyone to call my daughter that.

So, that is why I did not get up and corral my family and leave the meeting. I know that no one meant any particular offense to us. Everyone treats us with love and respect there.

I guess I just wish that people would become a whole lot more "politically correct." How can we honor our veterans and acknowledge that the world is a different place today?

Homesickness? Nostalgia? RCS?

I was perfectly shocked the other day. By myself, in fact. I was somewhere and Christmas music came on. And I suddenly felt an insane homesickness for Japan! Japan and Christmas and homesickness???

I was used to the US's frenzied December Christmas party, shopping, church events and all out craziness of Christmas when, in October, I went to Japan to live for a year - ended up being 2. So, I thought I'd be fine missing a Christmas at home. It was the worst Christmas of my entire life. At that Christmas I realized - for the first time - that Christmas, for me, was my FAMILY!

So, I didn't miss a Christmas at home for years after that. Then, about 13 or 14 years ago, I moved back to Japan, in the fall again, for 6 months - THAT turned into 10 years. Going home for Christmas just 2 months after spending all that money to come to Japan is/was just silly, so I spent that and the next 9 Christmases or so in Japan.

The first of those Christmases shocked me again! Ryu and I - not yet dating, but friending - left a Christmas Eve party at church and were walking to the station. I saw men hurriedly taking down Christmas banners and decorations from the Isetan (big department) building and putting up New Years' stuff. On CHRISTMAS EVE!!! Quite surprised!

But, i really did enjoy my subsequent Christmases in Japan. I enjoyed the chances to talk to my students about the beginning of Christmas from the Bible. I enjoyed having mini parties for them and cooking treats that were new to so many people. I felt like Christmas in Japan was more of a "real Christmas" than Christmas in the States - especially as there is not much emphasis in Japan on shopping or gift giving. Good old Santa just brings one gift per kid in Japan, you know.

Then came Christmas with our very own kiddo! Wow! That makes Christmas extra special. When Jun was 2 we finally made it home for Christmas! It snowed Christmas Eve and was wonderful, quiet, spiritual, special and delicious. We shared dinner with a wonderful couple, the husband of which is now looking down on us from heaven.

Suddenly a Family Christmas in the US seemed to be the most wonderful of all! Now that we are here in the US - why would I become homesick for or miss Christmas in Japan??!?!?! Maybe it is Reverse Culture Shock? Maybe we all miss what we've grown used to. Maybe nostalgia is just unexplainable. Maybe I'm just going crazy?

Anyway, we know where we will put our tree. We have the sled ready for snow. I plan to reteach Jun my simplified Christmas Cantata for Kiddos, and, yep, I miss my students and friends something awful! So strange!

Thankful: For the great day we had, watching corn get harvested, meeting new people, and having lunch with Grandma and Grandpa. The school where we played had the coolest see-saw! Even Grandpa and Grandma rode it!

Gobsmacked!

Is "gobsmacked" a word? How about "blindsided?" How about "kicked in the stomach?"

How about, "Just when I thought I knew what I was doing - THIS happens." How about, "Kim, you are SOOOOO overreacting!" This last is probably the whole entire truth. But, let me tell you THIS story!

There were basically two ways to pay bills - that I knew of - in Japan. Pre-marriage, I took all of my bills to the local convenience store, the post office's bank, or the real bank. Post-marriage, we did automatic pay where the bills were paid right out of our savings account (no checking in Japan.) Come to think of it, I guess some of our bills were paid through our credit card. So, three ways. And, we were very "analog" about all that. We never used the internet for banking or for transferring funds. Only to check our credit card balance.

Well, when we go to the US, banking by computer seems to be THE way to go. So, with much brain pulling, I got our accounts set up, and we got on the computer. I pay lots of our bills on the computer. Some I have to input each month. Some come out automatically. And some...come out of our checking account via the credit card portion of our ATM card!

Now, I would just like to say this about credit card portions of ATM cards. And that is ????????????? If you can't get a "real" credit card, why would a bank let you have an ATM card that even SAYS "VISA" on it? Yes, this is where my "gobsmacked" originated.

Back in April, when I was still living in a fog, I signed up for our internet. And, apparently I used the VISA part of our ATM card to do this. So, it is an automatic payment THROUGH the VISAish card. This was all well and good...until I lost my ATM card in our tiny one-bedroom house. It is still lost. Of course, I cancelled it and got a new one with a new number. Never EVER thinking about the Internet payment - or any other payment, for that matter. Then I opened my internet bill today. Two months of no payments! Warnings about turning off our internet service, etc! I panicked! I called the company and they kept talking about the VISA card I used to set up the account. I kept saying, I HAVE no VISA card! Ahhhhh. Well, I guess I do/did. So, hopefully we got it all straightened out.

But, my heart and day crashed with this "failure." It's really not that big of a deal. But, I guess lately, I have been feeling like I am swimming with my head out of the water, and then to have someone jerk my leg and send me drowning again...it stings!

Hopefully writing this post will lighten my heart for the rest of the day!!!

Happy Banking

CAR, CAR, CAR

Sometimes I think my English is coming right along. As I am still teaching my students in Japan, I often feel so confident that I am now teaching them REAL English phrases, etc.

But, sometimes it doesn't come right along and, then THIS happens:

A friend and I and our two kids were driving on the freeway in Idaho. For some reason Idaho thinks that the tiny part of this section of the freeway that ISN'T under construction, should have a speed limit of 70 mph. Well, that is too fast! Unless one is speeding, one should not feel pressured to drive so fast! And, the freeway had about 3 lanes in this particular span. My friend and I were chatting and she started to change lanes to her left. I was turned to look at her and saw the car in her blind spot that she didn't see. And I started shouting, "CAR, CAR, CAR!" All the time thinking that there MUST be a more natural way to express the fact that she is about to side swipe a car and that she shouldn't be changing lanes right now, and...that I sounded a lot like that guy on that TV show that yelled, "Da PLANE, Da Plane!"

Well, anyway, she got my drift, avoided the car and got us all home safe and sound. But I have thought of that incident often. Not about her driving, but about my English. WHAT DO AMERICANS say in that situation?!?!?!

I found out the other day. I was driving this time. We had been out with our kids delivering Meals on Wheels. I was stopped at a stop sign, saw a big truck coming that had its blinker on and started to pull out to give it a little more room. She didn't see the blinker and grabbed my shoulder and yelled, "WATCH OUT!" Her son informed her that the truck's blinker WAS on. But, I was just delighted! THAT'S what one should holler when you want someone to avoid disaster! Now I know!

Re-Entry Rollercoaster

We've been back (for me) and here (for Ryu and Jun) for nearly 6 months! And it feels like I'm walking through a very deep valley that is quite dark. So, I thought I'd blog a bit in case any others ever find themselves in a similar situation.



Bawling all the way through church yesterday, I began to think...I want to set up a "Still Re-entering" seminar with our friends who are also re-entrying from missionary years in Mongolia. (Yes, I am a trainer at heart, and I like to process things too, I guess.)



The first step of the Still Re-entering Seminar would be a brainstorm session answering the question:



What can you do now that you couldn't do when you "came home?"



Sometimes the re-entry mountain (almost typed 'yama' there), seems so tall and so steep that I thought it would be a good idea to see just how far we've come, even though we really cannot see the top just yet (ever)?



So, I started my list:

1. Banking: I have successfully set up savings and checking accounts for Ryu and myself. I have changed my name on my credit cards to my married name and got Ryu on the cards. I have set up internet banking and pay most of my bills on-line. I can withdraw cash from our account in Japan and deposit it in our account here. I can use an ATM card comfortably - no longer paranoid that I won't know how to do it, and no longer embarrassed if I'm at a new store and mess it up. I can use the ATM machine for basic services - even with a 4-year old tugging at my shirt tails.


2. Immigration: I have successfully "immigrated" my husband and daughter into the USA. I have managed to get our addresses updated on the important forms. I have gotten Ryu a SS card. (Waiting to be completed is Jun's Cert. of Citizenship, SS card and US passport.)


3. I have set up accounts with the electrical people, the gas people, the phone people, the internet people, and the car insurance people. I even managed to register and get plates and tags for a "new" car. (Ryu still needs his OR DL.)


4. I can go into the grocery store with confidence and find what I'm looking for and not feel stupid if I have to ask where something is. And the folks at my store are nice and know us (esp. JUN), and it is a good experience. You'll never believe my feelings the FIRST time I stepped into it!


5. I have discovered (through the help from locals) how to get reasonably priced medical care and prescriptions. (Need to get private insurance - somehow.)


6. I have enrolled my daughter in Kindergarten a year early, by having her try Kindergarten out, "pass a test", and attended a School Board meeting to apply for her early entry. And, I managed to go SCHOOL SHOPPING and interpret the school supply list. I don't think I did it perfectly, but...no one yelled at me about it. And, I managed to LET Jun go off to school without me! (Though I do go for noon recess.)


7. I can now drive on freeways (in Idaho) at nearly the speed limit (75mph), without going crazy. I can park in parking lots (even Walmarts') without first planning my "how to get out of the parking lot" strategy. I can get my car filled up, even if it isn't MY gas station. I can pay by credit or debit card without a hitch. And I don't feel bad if there IS a hitch - you know, like EVERYONE else in the whole world knows how to do this except ME!


8. I have learned to use a crock pot and bread maker and waffle maker. This does not mean I have adjusted to cooking in the US, but...I do have a plan, I think.


9. I took Jun to Vacation Bible Club, Swimming Lessons, and now we are starting Awana (I haven't been yet because of classes, but...) so, she is getting some good ole' American stuff too.

I tried to post this yesterday, but due to Internet "drive Kim crazy and don't work properly for DAYS" I wasn't able to publish it. Since then I've thought of more things I've learned, but...this was a good exercise to start out!

Yumi-chan

Hmmmm. I wonder if you all think I am going off the deep end with my adjustment to life in the States. Actually, until today, I didn't feel like I had had re-entry feelings for a couple of weeks. Do you disagree? Ahh well. You could be right!

I have to tell you why I cried today. My parents had just left and Jun and I were home alone. That didn't make me cry. I haven't had time alone with Jun very much in the past month. And I really enjoy my sweet sweet Junnie. Well, she was standing in the back of the pickup and I was standing outside it leaning on it - THAT'S why I'm all dusty AGAIN! And Jun points to a house diagonally across from ours and says, "Maybe that's Yumi-chan's house. Maybe she moved there." (Yumi-chan is Jun's oldest friend in Japan. Two months older than Jun. Her Mama is my dear friend. The girls hug each other over in a pile many times.) And I cried! I haven't had the time or energy or feel settled enough to help Jun find her niche in the town. There are various clubs and things for kids to get involved in, but most are ending for summer vacation. The park? Well, we'll see.

You see, in Japan there are certain set phrases that EVERYONE knows and uses when you go to the park. The Mamas know them. The kids know them. EVERYONE! And, I learned them when I became a Mama and taught them to Jun. And everyone plays together pretty well at the parks we visited in Japan. But here? I like the fact that we are not all Anglo's here. However, unlike Japan (my Japan only?) the cultures don't seem eager to mix with each other. I use the standard, "how old is your son/daughter?" comment and say how cute/tall/handsome/etc. they are. But...I guess I need to keep trying. Maybe later.

That and the toilet problem, the washing machine problem, the heater problem, the driving, the new garden (fodder for rabbits, I'm afraid). I guess I'm just tired tired tired. So, I'll go to bed!

Stuff and RC

Really. Stuff. As I think I wrote while we were getting ready to move, all the stuff we gave away and threw away is really just stuff, so... Imagine my surprise when one of the first waves of Reverse Culture Shock had to do with our stuff!

Although the "stuff" we had in Japan wasn't all that great or expensive, after Ryu and I got married, together we decided what we needed, checked prices all around, found the "stuff" that would work best for us and slowly accumulated stuff that we USED! As is the case in many Japanese apartments, there wasn't room for lots of stuff, so we were pretty choosy. And, it was OUR stuff.

So, as I walked through a store the other day and saw the prices we would have to pay to replace our stuff - the necessary stuff - I so longed to go to the recycle shop (thrift store) we gave lots of our stuff to in Japan! Pretty overwhelming to replace an entire married life time of stuff and, even a small apartment full of stuff.

We are off to our new place today. It needs lots of love. Even then it won't be my ideal anything. But, we have decided to shop for one room at a time. Maybe that will help me from getting too overwhelmed and leaving the store without anything at all!